It’s been a while since I last wrote a blog post. To be honest, it’s been hard to put fingers to keys for two main reasons.
I’ll start with the uncomfortable, first.
I’ve been struggling a little with a behaviour that I’ve had on and off for most of my life. It’s called Dermatillomania, compulsive skin picking/biting essentially. Sometimes I don’t even notice I’m doing it, my youngest son has taken to chastising me for any suspicious looking movements which has certainly drawn my attention to how much more I’m damaging my own skin recently.
A lot of us have struggled this past year. Lockdown after lockdown, home schooling, loneliness, health anxiety and, most recently, gloomy winter vibes have been rough for so many. I’ve put on a brave face through being terrified that one of my medically vulnerable sons, my amazingly strong husband or my medically vulnerable self will catch Covid-19. I’ve pushed away the loneliness, missing family and friends, missing the bustle of just being around… everything. I’ve looked forward with hope through solitary birthdays, cancelled holidays, redundancy, cancelled A-Levels and sadly losing people. I’ve worried through long night time hours for my best friends, NHS staff, school staff, keyworkers, shop workers and pregnant friends where no one can see my fears. Most of this I feel like I’ve been coping with relatively ok but since being unable to leave my flat due to a faulty lift, things have really stated to take their toll.
I guess this is my brain’s way of coping with the stress. It eats at me like I eat at myself.
I am aware of my situation and have had some lovely talks with friends who are experiencing or have loved ones experiencing similar compulsions. I am taking steps to make myself feel better, less anxious and I have wonderful support around me.
The second reason I’ve been unable to bring myself to type for a while, I’ve already mentioned above. My inability to leave my flat. In my next post, I’ll talk about the issues I’m facing as a disabled person living in an inaccessible property and everything that has happened over these past few months.
How are you coping in these harsh times? Let me know below if you’d like to chat.